I used to be a snob about public restrooms. I claimed that I would rather risk a bladder infection than expose myself to the parasites and bacteria that were found in those unsanitary little rooms. For several years, however, I have become reconciled to the reality that sometimes I just can’t be choosy. I consume beverages almost continually, and so I have become acquainted with all manner of restrooms in gas stations, restaurants, department stores, and Starbucks statewide.

I have a pet peeve regarding public restrooms that I believe many of you might share. The traditional labeling of restrooms is very simple for me to understand: it’s a little picture and the word “MEN” or “WOMEN.” In that case, I have no problem at all making the appropriate choice. I am not even bothered by bathrooms that accommodate both sexes, except for hygienic reasons. But it really throws me for a loop when certain establishments choose to label the restrooms in accordance with their decorating theme, and come up with keywords that are not immediately obvious to the non-enlightened public.

Sometimes I have to know to use the door labeled “Sheilas.” Other times I have gone into “peach” door or the “Trudy” door. My sister claims to have seen bathrooms labeled “innies” and “outies.” By far the most baffling choice I have ever faced was last night at Shivers’ Frozen Treats in College Station: Was I a “Cup” or “Cone”?