There’s an illustration in here somewhere…

As those of you who are my Facebook friends have seen roly-poly proof, Abby is turning into quite the little fatty.  At her two-month visit, the doctor said she wasn’t even on the growth chart for a two-month old!

So you won’t be surprised to hear that Abby takes her eating very seriously.  Occasionally she’ll feel hungry before it’s time to eat or while we’re driving in the car.  When hunger strikes and I can’t feed Abby immediately, she wails with such an urgency and persistence that I feel like I should call CPS on myself.

Many times I have tried to reason with my hungry little one.  “Abigail.” I say out loud in my calm and sensible voice.  “Have I ever let you go hungry?  Have I ever not given you food when you needed it?  Why would this time be any different?”

But every three hours, she cries as if she’s afraid that this will be the time I’ve forgotten that she needs to eat.

I’ll try not to belabor the point, but I’ve reminded myself of little Abby as the year draws to a close and once again Stephen and I start to look at the pages of a brand new calendar.  Where will we live?  Where will we work?  Will we be able to make the money we need this year?  These are our annual questions, and once again I find my stomach in knots as the answers remain unknown.  What mother would refuse to feed her daughter?  What father would give his son a rock when he asks for bread?  God has never failed to notice our needs.  Why would this year be any different?

 

Two very different things I’ve enjoyed lately…

I love ice cream.  And just when I thought I could not love it any more, I discovered Blue Bell favorites on a stick…covered in chocolate.  Dee-licious!  The mint chocolate chip is the only one that I have tried, and since it’s a single serving of perfection, I haven’t felt a need to try any other flavor.  But you might like to!

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On a completely different subject, we have been reading to Abigail (and to each other) from the Jesus Storybook Bible.  It’s really good!  Sometimes I keep reading to myself even after we have finished the story for the day.  The pictures are charming, and the overall format is very similar to most Bible story books, but what really makes this version stand out is the way that it points out how every Old Testament story is pointing to Jesus.  How theologically sophisticated our little girl is going to be!  For example, here is the conclusion to the story of the Ten Commandments:

“‘God promises to always look after you,’ Moses said. ‘Will you love him and keep these rules?’

‘We can do it! Yes! We promise!’

But they were wrong.  They couldn’t do it.  No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t keep God’s rules all the time.

God knew they couldn’t.  And he wanted them to know it, too.

Only one person could keep all the rules.  And many years later God would send Him–to stand in their place and be perfect for them.

Because the rules couldn’t save them.

Only God could save them.”

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Check out both of these great products!  Pure sweetness for the taste buds and for the soul!

 

Prayer

I know that hardly any of my faithful readers like serious posts, but…too bad.  Here’s my deep thought for today.

For the summer, the adult Sunday School classes are going through a series on the core values of the church, led by the elders and various other church leaders.  (Good idea, huh?  That was Stephen’s brainchild.)  Yesterday was the first Sunday of the series, and so I heard one of the elders, talk about prayer.  He made lots of good points, but the one that caught my attention the most was a challenge about how much time we spend praying about things that are temporal, compared to how often we pray about things that are eternal.

Later in the afternoon, my dad, Stephen and I talked about the “prayer talk” we had all heard that morning, and as we reflected on our “temporal” prayers (past and present), we laughed at how often we spend so much time and energy praying for a certain person or circumstance, and later look back gratefully when our prayers are not answered in the way we hoped for.  I prayed in college for boys I admired to return my affections and desire my hand in marriage…SO glad God said no to those!  Over the years, Stephen and I have prayed for certain jobs to work out…and we’re so glad they didn’t, now that we see where we are now.  This response certainly isn’t limited to my “self-centered” prayers, but when I pray for others too: for Him to bring someone a spouse, let a friend get conceive, or give loved ones certain opportunities or deliverance.  On the other side, we always marvel at God’s perfect timing, after all.  Now, I wonder…to what extent are these prayers born out of a heart that doesn’t really trust that God already knows what he is doing?  Otherwise, why would I feel the need to so compulsively offer God advice?  Even when I pray for “God’s will to be done,” I usually can’t help but throw in some suggestions just in case he hasn’t decided what his will is yet.

Even for those of us who dutifully follow the ACTS prayer plan, I’d venture a guess that almost every praying Christian spends at least 80% of their energy praying about “temporal” situations like jobs, kids, heartaches, friends, marriage, etc.  I wish I knew a prayer historian who could answer this question, but I wonder if this is kind of a modern phenomenon, an indication that too much of our mental energy overall is spent focusing on problems and circumstances that are fleeting?  What does it look like to pray for eternal things?  Everyone I know believes that they should be praying more (“without ceasing,” I think, is our specific command), and so if we’re going to pray less about the day-to-day, what do we do more of?

As a good classical teacher, I believe that one of the best ways to learn a new art is by imitating a master.  So I’m going back to some of the books I own that are collections of published prayers.  (The fact that some of these prayers were first composed hundreds of years ago speaks to their timeless nature…no mentions of mechanical trouble with the ox cart or grandma’s aching joints.  I’ve posted a couple of my favorites here and here.)  I’m finding that many great saints found plenty to say in praise of God and in concern for the sinfulness of the world.  I’m trying to build the habit of praying their words as my own, until I develop a heart that is more in tune with the eternal.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to stop praying about my job or my baby or my aching grandma, or even for my own very fleeting concerns (“God, where did I set that paycheck?”).  I’m sure that God likes hearing about my daily worries just like any father.  But I think that placing these requests in the context of a more lasting perspective is a healthy shift.  What I, and TH, and Grandma, really need is to see God and find satisfaction in Him.  When that is happening, even sleepless nights, aching joints, and missing paychecks can be dealt with properly…maybe even appreciated as a trial that develops perseverance and character!  (Remind me of this in two months…).

Hmm, I’m not even finished.  But I think I’ll save the rest of my thoughts for Prayer, part II!

 

Not Music to My Ears

From the failing economy to the threat of swine flu to the true pandemic of ignorance and incompetence seeming to surround every aspect of our current government, current events pretty much make me want to drive my car off the side of the road.  So my normal commuting diversions, talk radio and NPR, have not been as appealing to me lately.

Music on the iPod can’t hold my attention for an hour on the road, so I raided the podcasts Stephen has been collecting on our iTunes.  He is a true seminary nerd, and so he had a lot of John Piper sermons, in addition to weekly sermons from young and hip Christian celebrities Mark Driscoll and Matt Chandler.  Desiring to become more young and hip myself, I loaded up on a couple of selections from the latter two.

Now overall these guys are not bad.  They both preach for about 50 minutes, so I get one full sermon per day’s drive.  I’ve listened to both of them talk on Easter/Resurrection themed topics, as well as two sermons from Driscoll on marriage.  And, like I said, they’re not bad.  But they’re a little overrated, as celebrity preachers often are.  We visited the Village Church two years ago on Easter, and I have an overall good impression of Matt Chandler, although after a couple more sermons by him, I think he talks about his kids too much.  I’m less inclined to be lenient toward Mark Driscoll, because he really irritated me the first three times I encountered his teaching (twice in preaching, once in a book he wrote) by playing what I considered to be fast and loose with calling people heretics.

Although I’m now at the point of grudgingly acknowledging the positive things that Driscoll is doing in the church world at large, I still have one major complaint about him: he does not handle opposing viewpoints in a way that gives him much credibility.  He oversimplifies and deliberately mischaracterizes alternate opinions in a way that makes them easy to dismiss with sarcasm, non-sequitur arguments, and/or the brand of heresy, as I mentioned before.  This is SUPER IRRITATING, especially when I think that the opposing person or idea actually makes a legitimate point.

It’s been almost a full week, and I am feeling young and hip enough for now, so I stopped by the library to browse through their audio book selection again.  Hooray- I found just the thing I wanted–another pseudo-historical, slightly smutty novel by Phillippa Gregory, author of The Other Boleyn Girl.  Variety is the spice of life, after all.  I’ll indulge my lazy brain for a week or so, and then I’ll find something substantial and important to think about again.

 

Ash Wednesday

For the season of Lent,our chaplain at school encourages the kids to think about a character trait that is underdeveloped in their lives.  On Shrove Tuesday we all plant seeds and pray that God will grow that trait during this season of contemplation and solemnity.  I borrowed my prayer from St. Therese of Lisieux:

I implore Thee, dear Jesus, to send me a humiliation whensoever I try to set myself above others.

And yet, dear Lord, Thou knowest my weakness.  Each morning I resolve to be humble, and in the evening recognize that I have often been guilty of pride.  The sight of these faults tempts me to discouragement; yet I know that discouragement itself is a form of pride.  I wish, therefore, O my God, to build all my trust upon Thee.  As Thou canst do all things, deign to implant in my soul this virtue which I desire, and to obtain it from Thy Infinite Mercy, I will often say to Thee: “Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Thee.“

 

Praise and Thanksgiving

I’m in the thick of writing narrative assessments right now, so I don’t have too many interesting thoughts of my own, so I thought I would share someone else’s thoughts that I’ve been reading lately.

Call it my evil cynicism, but I’ve grown a little tired of the usual prayers I’ve heard lately (including many of my own) that begin in the same old way:  “Dear God, thank you for this day.  Thank you for the chance for us to come together and <worship you/fellowship/get to know each other better>.  Help us to honor you with our words and actions.  In Jesus’ name…”

Okay, so a 10 for sincerity, but pretty low on the charts in terms of real content.  So Stephen bought me this book of old prayers and devotionals, and it’s been very interesting and thought-provoking to read them.  Here’s one of my recent favorites:

O my God,

Thou fairest, greatest, first of all objects,

my heart admires, adores, loves thee,

for my little vessel is as full as it can be,

and I would pour out all that fullness before thee in ceaseless flow.

When I think upon and converse with thee,

ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart,

crowding into every moment of happiness.

I bless thee for the soul thou hast created,

for adorning it, sanctifying it, though it is fixed in barren soil,

for the body thou hast given me,

for preserving its strentgh and vigor,

for providing senses to enjoy delights,

for the ease and freedom of my limbs,

for thy royal bounty providing my daily support,

for a full table and overflowing cup,

for appetite, taste, sweetness,

for social joys of relatives and friends,

for ability to serve others,

for a heart that feels sorrows and necessities,

for a mind to care for fellow-men,

for opportunities of spreading happiness around,

for loved ones in the joys of heaven,

for my own expectation of seeing thee clearly.

I love thee above the powers of language to express, for what art thou to thy creatures.

Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.

 

Rarely Providential

About a month ago, we joined a small group through our new church, and it’s been a great way to get to know some potential friends outside of the youth group circle. The thing that has been sometimes nice, sometimes weird is that we eat dinner together every week. Here are the instructions: Bring something to share.

At our old church, this was called “Pot Providence,” I guess because luck was too pagan of an idea. It also sort of implied that the Holy Spirit would be like the party planner, specially inspiring each cook to bring something that would complement the rest of the offerings. I liked the idea that each pot would contain something heavenly, since my previous experience with plain old pot lucks had been pretty hit-and-miss. (At the old HOP, it was pretty much Pot-Unlucky every time).

Well organizing a well-balanced meal didn’t seem to be much of a priority of the Holy Spirit with this particular gathering. Most of our group is made up of young married couples, who cook about as well as I do, and so our meals might consist of a Little Caesar’s pizza, trail mix, Chinese stir-fry, and three different plates of chocolate brownies. It was a little chaotic for this picky eater. One week we got a lot of chips and dip. Another week three of us brought cake. I started snacking ahead of time out of a fear that we would show up and no one would have brought a main dish. (This was quite a contrast to our other dearly loved Life Group, where I enjoyed extensive planning and dividing of responsibility prior to all of our shared meals.)

Well, finally, we have all started listening to the same Spirit, and last night, we had the most well-rounded meal yet. The choices were still interesting side by side (meatballs, chili, orange chicken, and chicken spaghetti), but we actually had a variety of entrees, a sampling of veggies, and three different and delicious desserts. My contribution was KarenD’s sopapilla cheesecake, which was the most popular of the desserts.

The spiritual conversation at the group is always nutritious and satisfying. It’s a wonderful night when my stomach and my spirit are both well fed!

 

…back in church work!

As you know, Stephen has been taking classes toward teacher certification and we have been very happy regular attenders at Redeemer. We were satisfied with our current situation and had agreed that we were not looking for a church job at this time.

Well, despite this, Stephen got a call from a tiny little Baptist church in a tiny little nearby town (apparently the Truett placement office still sends out his resume from time to time). He declined the offer, but it brought the subject up for us again. We asked ourselves, “What would it take for us to accept a church job right now?”

It was a fun conversation, full of wishful thinking and idealism that reminded me of the “describe your future husband” conversations of my college days (who was to say that a handsome-Pulitzer-and-Grammy winner wouldn’t show up in College Station to sweep me off my feet?). Anyway, we agreed that the ideal job would be one where Stephen could work while also finishing his certification and where I could stay at my current job. It was also important for us to be at a church where we actually enjoyed the service and the people, where we would want to stay long term.

About a week after this conversation, Stephen got a call from a pastor of a church in Killeen. After a few conversations, we realized that the position being offered was exactly the one that we had described earlier. It’s a part-time youth job at this church, which is a plant of the church I had grown up in, where the current pastor (Dave) is my former junior high youth minister. Stephen had gone to some ministry events with Dave, which is where they got to know one another.

To make a pretty short story even shorter, they chatted on the phone a few more times, we went down to visit the church twice, and this past Sunday, Stephen interviewed with the elders and later in the week he received a job offer, which we accepted.

There’s quite a bit more to the story, like all the other reasons why we feel so optimistic about this job, and how exactly we plan to make it work living between Waco and Killeen (hint: Temple). You’ll just have to keep checking in to the NEW Watson blog for the rest of the story as it comes.

 

Why I Am Happy to be a Presbyterian Baptist

As dissatisfied as we may be with church as a career opportunity, our enthusiasm for church attendance has not been dampened in the least. Since February, when we left the HOP, we have been double-dipping, so to speak, in church worlds.

On Saturday night we attend a contemporary service at a local Baptist church. The contemporary music is the best in town, and we enjoy worshiping with friends in the small and familiar crowd. On Sunday morning we have been attending a Presbyterian church, which we love for its liturgical style, simplicity, and meaty preaching.

Since we are no longer officially pursuing the church job track, we felt that it was time to really commit to a church. We have been visiting several congregations in our area, and we have yet to find one place that really has captured our interest.

It’s been almost a year since I blogged about my own conflicting preferences in worship service styles. At the time, I was hoping to be part of a church that could reconcile my desire for casual and formal, comfortable and reverent, etc. Now that we’ve had the opportunity to sit in the congregation of many different churches (and many good churches, at that), I’ve come to believe that the only way I can reconcile the paradox is by keeping my feet in two worlds.

When I go to Saturday nights I feel the warmth of community and the emotion of jamming for Jesus. When I go to my PCA service, I feel the companionship of centuries of believers as I recite the beautiful words of liturgy and sing ancient songs of faith. The combination of these experiences makes my churchgoing experience feel complete. When I miss out on either one, I feel lacking.

And so it is not indecisively, but thoughtfully, that I choose both.

 

Orthodox Paradox

I try to avoid serious posts, because I worry about sounding like I’m taking myself too seriously. But I’m going to deviate from my M.O. today because I’m mulling over some ideas that might be of interest to some of you who are church afficionadoes like me.

The beautiful and the difficult thing about being in a church like the HOP is the fact that it is in major need of definition. This fact, plus my own personal discontent with the state of my own faith, has had me thinking a lot about my idea of the Perfect Church. I’ve had a hard time nailing it down because the things that I love about various church traditions seem at times to be mutually exclusive. For example:

Comfortable vs. Reverent.
We love attending Saturday night church with our friends in a very relaxed envioronment. We wear jeans, sing contemporary songs, and listen to a practical message that is delivered by a man who wears jeans and props his Bible up on a music stand. It doesn’t feel like “church,” it feels like a bunch of people getting together to worship and talk about Jesus. There is no stuffiness, no pretention, no pressure. I love that.

On the other hand, I remember about two churches that I have visited that have been very meaningful to me precisely because of the reverence and formality of the service. I think that there is something very beautiful in coming into a place that is quiet and holy, participating in repsonsive reading, reciting creeds, marking time by the church calendar, and singing ancient and beautiful songs without any drums or electric guitars. Those services have made me feel small in my place, and reminded me that God, and even the Christian tradition, is so much greater than my own experience. I love that, too.

Relevant vs. Transcendent
It’s a paradox that is similar to the one above. Is church about bringing God to our level, or bringing us to God’s level? I have been thinking about a quote I’ve heard recently: “We often read the Bible for God’s truth, and try to apply it to our lives. What we need to do is read the Bible to see God’s truth, and try to apply our lives to it.” Do I need a service where God meets me “Just as I am,” or do I need a place that helps me to see beyond who I am to a reality that is greater?

Traditional vs. Stuck in the Mud
As a fairly traditional person, it surprises me that I rebel against church tradition like I do. In our church, I feel like screaming because we don’t feel the freedom to try new things and find creative solutions to problems. Are the walls pink? Let’s try beige. Is “the invitation” actually a useful part of the service? If not, let’s change it to better use that time. Our own church still operates according to the rules of Billy Sunday and the sawdust trail, and I feel stifled.

And yet, the elements that I want the freedom to play with are even older traditions: liturgy, the Apostles’ Creed, kneeling to pray and reading prayers of the saints. I don’t want to create a church that is so contemporary that it is disconnected from 2000 years of rich history.

And then, of course, there is the million dollar question, the “Mike Harris” head-scratcher: These are great ideas, but what will they look like in my church on Sunday morning? How do we bring these lofty notions into the practical world that we live in?

I don’t know the answer, but I’m looking for it.