What I Have Been Doing Lately-Narrative Assessments

Report Card Says:
X brings such joy to our classroom. I appreciate his love of learning and the enthusiasm that he brings to his tasks. I encourage him to work on his classroom habits of orderliness and self-control.

Teacher Means:
Your kid is bouncing off the walls. His only volume is “extra loud” and he refuses to sit his bottom on his chair. Have fun trying to keep him under control this summer, sucka!

RC Says:
Y has been given the gift of a gentle and quiet spirit. I appreciate her attentiveness to instruction and her care to comply with classroom rules and procedures. Y has excellent attendance, and she is consistently prepared for class with assignments and projects. She is a sweet friend to her classmates, and her kind words are a blessing to all.

Teacher Means:
I see this name in my gradebook, but I am not even sure which child this is; she must be one of the quiet ones. I am not missing any grades for her, so she turns in work, which also means that she is in fact present on most class days. I cannot recall any other student tattling on her, so she must not be too offensive to others.

RC Says:
Z is an eager and diligent student. He is attentive to instructions and does his best to meet expectations for his academic work and his personal behavior. I appreciate his careful work and his thoughtful answers.

Teacher Means:
Your kid is actually kind of a suck-up, and I don’t really blame the other kids for resenting him. But honestly, while I do sometimes judge your child as a person, I appreciate obedience and attentiveness under any circumstances at this time of year.

RC Says:
I will miss having your child in class next year.

Teacher Means:
This is actually true. Most days.

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9 responses to “What I Have Been Doing Lately-Narrative Assessments

  1. You know, your profession (in this regard) sounds a lot like mine… how can we write something to put a positive spin on things?

  2. This reminds me of your Pine Cove character award days…

  3. So true, Lindsey! I am SO glad I don’t have to write stuff about MY students…we already know they’re misfits and criminals! haha

    Teacher-ese is so disgusting at times. I wish we could be real with parents so their kids don’t turn into my students.

  4. “Student X” set off the emergency alarm at the Texas Ranger Museum yesterday.

  5. Ha! I knew Loki was in there somewhere!

  6. haha, that sounds like what happened to me when I took kids to the George Bush Presidental Library.

  7. You should post about adventures in babysitting… well, unless it was pretty uneventful (which I guess would be a good thing).

  8. Oh, my! I remember writing a whole lot of those comments! I wish we could also hand out a little booklet to parents to help them decipher the true meaning behing what we say. Then again, that would defeat the point of carefully crafting our nicey-nice words…

    I’m glad that your summer vacation is just around the corner!

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