I resigned yesterday. I’ll be finishing out the school year, but I won’t go back to work in the fall. I feel relief, because this simplifies my life quite a bit. But I also feel very sad. I love my job. I love my school. I don’t like to think about life going on there without me.
I’ll be happy to be home with Abby in the mornings. I’ll be happy to spend less time in the car and more time being involved in my immediate community. I’m glad I don’t have to take Abby to day care or impose on friends and family for another year. I’m thankful that Stephen has a job that gives me the freedom to make this choice.
But this school is where I learned to love teaching. I’ll miss my students chanting poetry in unison. I’ll miss my friends. I’ll miss talking in the back row during faculty meetings. I’ll miss Treasure Island in the fall. I’ll miss the French Revolution in the spring. I’ll miss my red gingham curtains on the windows. I’ll miss the hymns and liturgy of chapel. I’ll miss History Fair, the class play, the Nativity service, and the end-of-the-year Academic Decathlon. I’ll miss getting to wear my dress clothes and jewelry.
But in my most honest moments, I came to the realization that what I will miss most of all, and what I am most afraid of losing in giving up this job is feeling confident, competent, useful, affirmed, and important. And that moment of realization is when I knew I had to quit. And so I did.
Change is never easy! But I know this is the right decision. You can pray for me (and Stephen, who will have to put up with me!) over the next couple of months as my emotions catch up to my brain.