Happy, but sad.

I resigned yesterday.  I’ll be finishing out the school year, but I won’t go back to work in the fall.  I feel relief, because this simplifies my life quite a bit.  But I also feel very sad.  I love my job.  I love my school.  I don’t like to think about life going on there without me.

I’ll be happy to be home with Abby in the mornings.  I’ll be happy to spend less time in the car and more time being involved in my immediate community.  I’m glad I don’t have to take Abby to day care or impose on friends and family for another year.  I’m thankful that Stephen has a job that gives me the freedom to make this choice.

But this school is where I learned to love teaching.  I’ll miss my students chanting poetry in unison.  I’ll miss my friends.  I’ll miss talking in the back row during faculty meetings.  I’ll miss Treasure Island in the fall.  I’ll miss the French Revolution in the spring.  I’ll miss my red gingham curtains on the windows.  I’ll miss the hymns and liturgy of chapel.  I’ll miss History Fair, the class play, the Nativity service, and the end-of-the-year Academic Decathlon.  I’ll miss getting to wear my dress clothes and jewelry.

But in my most honest moments, I came to the realization that what I will miss most of all, and what I am most afraid of losing in giving up this job is feeling confident, competent, useful, affirmed, and important.  And that moment of realization is when I knew I had to quit.  And so I did.

Change is never easy!  But I know this is the right decision.  You can pray for me (and Stephen, who will have to put up with me!) over the next couple of months as my emotions catch up to my brain.

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7 responses to “Happy, but sad.

  1. Good for you! I am in the process of deciding whether or not I want to stay at my job or go back to get a teaching certification. I really want to quit altogether, but financially were not at that point. Enjoy the last few months of the school year!

  2. Wow, that’s a big decision! I will say that Abby will probably be more work (and lots of fun) in the next year, and you will get more feedback from her as she learns to do and say more things.

  3. I completely understand all of your feelings that you so beautifully expressed; I felt similar ones when I left CTCS last year. Focus on what this new chapter in your life will bring and the wonderful world that you will be able to explore with Abby. Live Oak will be there when and if the Lord calls you back to the classroom.

  4. Hooray for you! Abby grows quickly and the time is never replaced. Schools will always be around when the time is right for you to return. I sooo enjoyed my kids’ early years at home, then started teaching later. When you die, you won’t say “I wish had taught more years.” You’ll be proud of how your children turned out. 🙂

  5. I feel bad for you since you seem torn, but I think you made the right choice. I think as long as you stay busy, and you have plenty of scheduled outings, you will be fine. What wears on a mother’s sanity is when she’s stuck in the house all day with a fussy baby and no adults to talk to. A lot of my stay-at-home-mom friends still have very regimented schedules and planned activities outside of the house to keep them busy. You will do great!

  6. I know your school will miss your wonderful teaching as much as you will miss it. But I am glad you have the freedom to make this decision and I think you will enjoy it.

  7. Congratulations Lindsey! It’s a big step, but you just know when it’s right. It took me a long time to adjust to being home, but I knew that’s where I was supposed to be for the time being. Playdate time! 🙂

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