Sometimes my insecurity gets the best of me. I believe that nobody really wants to be my friend, and that all the people I hang around with only include me out of obligation or convenience. It’s a very sad and lonely feeling, and that’s where I was earlier this summer.
Then Sam was born, and like Job, I put my hand over my mouth, ashamed of the words I had been speaking.
I have been humbled into silence by the generous outpouring of love I’ve experienced over the past six weeks, and I’ve been sustained by those friendships that I had believed were just figments of my imagination.
One friend stayed up all night knitting a blanket for us to wrap Sam in when he was born. Another rescued some almost-expired meat from my refrigerator and turned it into delicious meals stored in my freezer. Another came and cleaned my house while I went to Starbucks, and then she took me out to lunch. Friends from out of town sent flowers and made phone calls to let us know we were on their minds. So many folks came to Sam’s memorial service and put their arms around my neck, many sharing stories of their own lost children. We’ve been given gift cards for Starbucks dates and restaurants, and delicious meals were brought to our door for three weeks after Sam’s birth. I’m still getting cards and e-mails and Facebook messages of sympathy and encouragement, or that say “I’m still thinking of you.”
After I posted Baby Sam FAQs, many people began approaching me with questions about Sam and asking to see his photo book. At first, that little ugly Gollum side of me reasoned it away: “They’re only saying that because you told them to.” But then I realized: these were friends who wanted to show love to me, and they were expressing support in exactly the way I had said would be the most meaningful to me. What else could I ask for?
So to all of you who have shown such love and grace to this neurotic, silly girl,
Truly, my cup overflows.
P.S.- This is not intended to be a ploy for generating affirming comments. It’s my opportunity to turn the tables and say how much I appreciate you!