Calculated Authenticity (Part 2 of 3)

In case you missed it, here is Part 1

And moving on, as promised:
Six Steps to a Perfectly Palatable Public Confession

Obviously I’m oversimplifying here, but the types of confessions that I see trending at the moment tend to fall into one of these categories.  (I am sure YOU never do this.  Neither do I, of course.  But maybe this applies to someone you know.)

1.  Confess against the straw man.  “I know the rest of you are already hard at work with the craft paper and doilies, but be forewarned: the Schmaltz kids will be passing out STORE BOUGHT VALENTINES this year!”

2.  Employ hyperbole.  “WORST PRESCHOOL MOM EVER. Forgot that this was my week to bring snacks and now 14 4-year-olds need of therapy.  And graham crackers.”

3.  Humblebrag.  “Y’all, I got so busy batch cooking 247 freezer meals that I totally forgot to keep some food out for us to eat TONIGHT! Looks like we’re ordering take-out.  Fail!!”

4.  Use your personality type to excuse your behavior.  “House is a mess and no clean cups for guests.  This is what the book club gets for asking a creative person to host this month!”  Or, “Screening my calls from the church office.  No, I don’t want to help in the nursery!” #introvert”

5.  Be cryptic.  “Really struggling today.”

6.  Play it safe.  When it’s been over five days since your last confession but your image can’t take a real hit, try owning up to one of the following: Wearing yoga pants all day long.  Being sarcastic.  Spending too much time thinking about Downton Abbey.  Breaking your diet.  Being OCD.  Giving away too much money to the poor.

Come back tomorrow for MY last word, but not THE last word on this subject!


2 responses to “Calculated Authenticity (Part 2 of 3)

  1. Yep, yep, yep. Sometimes they’re darn funny, though.

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